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I have a friend.

Just thinking about the fact that this person is my friend makes me smile.
I've described my friend as the 'purest light I've ever known', and it's true.
Every minute I spend around my friend makes me a better person.

I've always been amazed by this friend, though I've never really given it much thought. I just knew that, with no apparent effort, she improves any environment she's in.

Recently, though, I've had even more reason to be amazed by her.
Her husband passed away last month, leaving her alone with two children, and an unknown future.

We've talked, at length, a couple of times over the past few weeks and I've come away from each conversation a little sad. But my sadness isn't one of depression or negative feeling.

Glenns' Wonderings

It's just a sadness that she has to feel such pain.

And a sadness that I don't have a mirror I can hold up to her. Right now, she needs to have someone who can make her feel the way she makes other people feel.
I'm sad that I can't do that.
And I'm sad that so few people can.

Our recent conversations recently have been so.......
I don't know the right word. Spiritual, in a way. Pure, maybe, is a better word. Direct.

We've talked about fear, pain, feelings of loss and betrayal, loneliness, guilt, shock, anger, the helpfulness of others, and the utter void that's left when a person departs. And fate.
The talks seem so natural and easy, that it's only after I hang up that I realize how extraordinary the conversations were.
If it were me in her position - I'm positive that I couldn't carry myself the way she has.
I lack her grace.

I've heard the word grace a thousand times, but never really thought about it. Until now.
I looked it up, after my last conversation with her:

1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
A sense of fitness or propriety.
A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.

I was kind of shocked as I read the definition.
It was no wonder I've never really thought about the word.
It's like thinking about Holiness. So few people or things possess the quality, that there's no reason to think about it.
In fact, I thought about it long and hard, and I can say that she is the only person I know who justifies the use of the word grace.

I know a few people who display grace sometimes, and a lot who display it rarely.
And way too many who, like me, have never possessed the quality.

That's what really makes me sad.

But, that's the funny thing about grace. It's the most bittersweet of qualities.
I wish I had it, but just knowing it exists in some people makes me feel good about life, good about the world, and optimistic about the future.

Thanks again, friend.....

GH 3/99
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